Karen Huff Klein's Purse - Words to Live By

This is a close up photo of Karen Klein's purse.  She is the elderly  "Bullied Bus Monitor",and most people have by now seen this week's viral video sensation.  Like many others I was shocked beyond belief by what I saw in this video.  I sent her a message (she may or may not read or respond to it, but I felt it had to be said).  This is part of it:

"When I saw the video, I saw my own memories of being bullied on a school bus in middle school (but not nearly as badly)! I saw a later grown up me being bullied in a workplace for years for "failing to lose the weight" after giving birth to my first child. But going much deeper (outside myself) I saw my own daughter, my mother, my sister... I saw just about every woman I know going through something similar at one point or another. Like anyone else who has seen the video I wanted to reach through the computer screen, knock some punks flat, and give you a hug. (And I'm really not a violent person at all). But things have a funny way of working out, and I'm sure you could have never seen your week playing out the way it did. I keep the parents of those children in my thoughts as well, as lots of blame is being hurled at them. However I believe those kids may be more of a product of social, cultural, and media influence than a bad upbringing. I am debating on letting my oldest child watch this (she's only 7) as a lesson on bullying and the damage it can do.  I wish you the best, and I admire and thank you for your grace."

Back to the purse... printed on it were various uplifting sayings and quotes (here are just a few):

Live Love Laugh/Embrace Change/Pretending to be a normal person day after day is exhausting/Life is all about how you handle Plan B/Wonderful Wacky Women/Uplift/Embrace Change/Expect Miracles/Live with Integrity/Why be a queen when you can be a Goddess?/Inspire/Dare to be Remarkable/Don't Play It Safe, Make Waves.

Ironically these lines of positive affirmation and peace were one of the many things targeted by bullies in a ten minute spew of negativity and hatred. She said in the video to the bullies “I try to live by some of these words, I try and it’s really hard,” referring to the words on her purse.   Well, I believe she is doing a fabulous job of living out these phrases.  Apparently a lot of the world thinks so too, given the $618,565.00 donated to the fund in her name so far (as of this writing).

In a interview with Karen a newscaster shows this close up of the purse that those kids were bagging on her about (bad pun intended). It's an awesome purse. I'd totally carry it!

Love and Light,
*Winter Phoebe Daswon

Birthday Stuff - 50 Shades of Age 37

So yesterday I just celebrated my birthday (and the Loaves were really into it for some reason this year).  I got a text from my very first love at age 16 (and still awesomely amazing friend) last night that said... "Hey, isn't it your birthday today!"  "Yes!" I texted back, "I'm 37!  Can you believe this shit?"

The actual "age progression" part of birthdays ceased to matter for me at about 30.  Birthdays don't fill me with dread (hurtling on forward toward the Crone phase is gonna happen and haters are gonna hate) because birthdays always mean cash and gift cards which mean online shopping.... Oooooooohhh!  (Regular Show inspired whoop for joy).  I got my typical Amazon card to start (I'd like to think the ol' husband knows me at least a little bit) and ordered the rest of the Fifty Shades series.  Now I'm not batshit nuts about this series.  It's no literary work of the ages, I can't stand Twilight (which it was inspired from), the writing is really kind of bad (I mean... how many times can you use the phrases "his breath hitches/and I flushed" before it becomes a literary insult?).  But I do like the characters and am interested in seeing where it will all go.  And being the most *vanilla* person alive I am kind of fascinated with the freaky stuff on every other page but have no interest in partaking for myself.  Most men I've known needed to brush up on their Vanilla skills before bothering to dive into the BDSM World.  While ordering I found Fifty Shades of Black and Blue, a parody book on the whole Fifty Shades Thang, and just the cover alone made me laugh for five minutes.  I just might have to get that after I finish all the other!

I'm also going to treat myself to an oracle reading by one of my all time favorite blogger-esses, Blessing Manifesting, and then just order a couple of other odds and ends online.

Not that I ever got around to doing it but I wanted to do a little birthday spell/ritual/mantra/whathaveyou.  Maybe next year or belatedly this year.  I did a various search and found one practice of saving a piece of your cake and one of the candles for a ritual later. Then I found a little rhyme/mantra type thing at another site that I thought might be nice combined with private ritual with cake and candle later.  (But probably not... 'cause I gladly skipped the cake this year).   I've copied it, but modified it to be a bit more "me".  (Source).

A Witchchild, Mother, Goddess am I, With life wisdom and magick to share.
A woman of Spirit am I, With a chakra crown of white within my hair.
A friend of the all am I, Aspiring to unconditionally show love and care.
A daughter of the Earth am I, Walking Her ways awake and aware.
A sister of the waters am I, Flowing wild and free without a care.
At one with the blowing winds am I, Singing softly through the midnight air.
A keeper of the fire am I, Let me kindle your passions if you dare.
Connected in Spirit with You am I, Fused together as one in prayer.

Beautiful thoughts.  I love that I still love birthdays!

*Winter Phoebe Dawson

Cultivate Grace

Color of the day: White

Incense of the day:  Orchid

Friday is the traditional day of Venus/Aphrodite, goddess of love, beauty, and fertility. Venus's/Aphrodite's energies include charm, composure, courtesy, and joy. In Latin, the noun venus is also linked to venerari (to honor or try to please) and venia (grace or favor).

I recently read one of the best books ever on select Greek Goddesses: Conversations With the Goddesses.  I had always before believed that Venus/Aphrodite was one of the Goddesses I couldn't relate to or draw much wisdom from.  I was incorrect.  Not only does this Goddess embody passion, self-assurance, and charisma (all qualities I struggle to maintain in my own day to day life), but she also possesses radiance and grace.  From Conversations With the Goddesses:

"One of the most famous Aphrodite/Venus archetypes is Cleopatra, the powerful queen of Egypt.  Legends of her beauty are often disputed.  Some claim that her seductiveness lay not in her beauty but in her presence-her beguiling voice, her vivacity, her intelligence.  Her irresistible charm was enhanced by beautiful clothes, cosmetics, perfume, and jewels.  She was intoxicated by living."

Since today is Friday it is a great day to work a bit of  powerful social magic, channeling Venus/Aphrodite to create positive change.  This is a very simple spell that involves no tools but simply attempting to reprogram your thoughts to be a bit more peaceful and to consciously practice social grace and honor. When speaking to people, cultivate a deep sense of affection for them and express it through the tone of your voice. When listening, look deep into their eyes, and into their souls, really seeing and hearing them. Do not hold an agenda, but honor people by simply listening. Show them the courtesy of your undivided interest. Practice grace by acting, looking, and speaking in a gentle and kind manner, letting go of judgment. And because Friday is a day for relating and building relationships, your grace may invite Venus's/Aphrodite's blessings of love.

One way I attempt to do this at times is to envision that I've sort of "time warped" into this time in my life from another.  About 15 years ago I thought there was no real possibility that I'd ever be a mother, and I would have given just about anything for it to become a possibility.  So if that person I was back then were to be suddenly time warped here she'd be appalled to hear the now-me yelling at her children.  About 5 years ago I had a co-worker that I really admired and looked up to, a person that I thought I would never have a chance to become a friend to because they had a great work ethic and sense of responsibility (while I was an angry and negative person who was also a bit of a flake with my life falling apart around me).  Not only did this person become a friend; he became my husband.  So the then-me probably wouldn't even begin to understand the now-me complaining that he didn't wipe the counter after doing dishes or that he's clingy and annoying.

Its all a matter of perspective, really.  When I think of things in this way, Venus/Aphrodite's qualities of trying to honor and please and to show grace seem more attainable for me.

Source: Cultivate Grace

The Myth of Domestic Goddess-ry Part II

(This is a modified but recycled post from my old blog so some of you may have read this before).

"Your goal : Try to make sure your home is a place of peace, order, and tranquility."  -from The Good Wife's Guide, circa 1955

Remember Monica Gellar from Friends?  She was obsessive about keeping her living space clean, so obsessive in fact that she could not even go to sleep at night if she knew that there was a pair of shoes lying out in the middle of the living room floor.  My sister used to call me "Monica" because I was exactly that way.  In my first marriage my ex husband used to marvel over the fact that as soon as he put down an empty glass it would be whisked away to the dishwasher... and sometimes the glass wouldn't even make it to emptiness.  I used to be Monica.  In fact, I still am.  There's just one problem that I have that I didn't have in the days of pre-motherhood: MY HOUSE IS NEVER CLEAN.

I spend HOURS every day on cleaning.  But at the end of the day no matter how much I've cleaned it ends up looking exactly like the picture above.  That's what a 7 year old, a 3 year old, and a 2 year old will do for you, I suppose.  Not to mention my husband.  Oh he helps clean, a lot, so this isn't a rant that he's a useless lump that won't help 'cause he's not.  It's just that his messes that he leaves before he cleans are nothing short of amazing.  Thankfully the 7 year old is now old enough to help quite a bit, but the messes are so frequent and huge that both of our efforts kind of equal the little boy that stuck his finger in the hole to plug up the dam. Now there are days that I "take off" and don't clean and just choose to catch up on DVR backlog.  But the whole time I'm sitting there full of guilt and beating myself up feelings. 




The thing is I wish I could stop obsessing about cleaning.  Because in between actually raising my kids, working, spending time with The Family Guy, exercising, brief spiritual practices, and cleaning I have NO time left for anyone else.  My scrapbooking box gets left under the bed.  The pile of books at my bedside remains unread.  Excluding Titanic 3D, I haven't seen a full length movie in almost a year.  I have no friends outside of one sentence updates on Facebook and no social life at all.  And for what?  Nobody actually CARES if my house is clean except ME.  And yet I cannot let go of the guilt.  Two years ago my daughter contracted a case of head lice from school.  Being as obsessive as I am I got the case under control within a day (while the poor girl had to endure hours of lice shampoo treatment, comb throughs, and me ranting and crying).  But before I found out it came from school my first automatic thoughts were, "It's my fault, my house is so dirty, I'm officially a bad mother."

But therein unearths a much deeper issue: every since the failed cosmetology career fiasco of 4-5 years ago my constant thoughts about almost everything are: "I'm not good enough, I'm only average at best, etc."  Something else has been getting to me as well.  I look at friends my age with their Facebook photos and they are living in nice brand new homes.  We are not. (My husband and I had to start life all over with no credit and a huge loss of income while most of them didn't).   That's the the really unhealthy thing about "Fuckbook" (as my hilarious bloggy friend, Hippy Jersey Devil , calls it).  It's like Mind-Fuckbook.  Everybody is hotter, smarter, and lives in a better house than you.  I think something inside of me says: "Well I don't have it as nice as they do but maybe if I keep what I have nice it could come at least semi-close."  Ugh... what a waste of time, energy, and everything else.

As bad as I feel and as icky as the energy feels here my home never looks like we need to call Hoarders to come set up a camera crew and a few 1-800-JUNK trucks, so my efforts aren't totally in vain.



I'm really working very hard to not dwell on these things constantly.  Despite being a Domestic Goddess, one can only do what they can do.

Goddess Archetypes Within Pop Culture

About two years ago we finally got a Dish Network account. I have never been a big TV watcher and have lived most of my adult life without any cable/satellite just fine. ;-) But my husband has always been spoiled to a multitude of choice in TV Land and so Dish Network became a new presence in my life that now I'd be hard pressed to go without.

Soon after this new addition to our home I got addicted to the old 80s/90s sitcom, Roseanne. I'd seen a few episodes growing up but hadn't really related to it or paid much attention. But in watching it nowadays I immediately connected with the character of Roseanne... three children, the bluest of blue collar, a hard-working husband with an odd sense of humor, not the Hollywood perfect body weight. But something about her (both the character and what I've read on the real Roseanne Barr) makes me feel that she embodies the archetype of Hecate. This is a photo of her from a recent article promoting her a reality series that she did last year.

If Hecate were to appear in a dream, vision, meditation this is exactly how I would expect her to look.

Back in my single days, before my two marriages and three kids when life was much simpler, I was a huge Buffy the Vampire Slayer fan. And to me the character of Buffy Summers was the perfect embodiment of Persephone back in the "Persephone phase" of life for me.

But in this "Demeter" phase in my life I've yet to see a TV Mom that seems to radiate Demeter's energy. The closest I would be able to think of would be Marge Simpson but that may be a bit of a stretch.

Gratitude...

Now that I've completed an important step in throwing over some unwanted baggage I want to focus on the positives.  I'm sort of spent on writing at the moment, so I simply want to say...

The Myth of Domestic Goddess-ry Part I

This is a recycled post that I believe I originally wrote in 2010.  I just felt like archiving it in this blog as well.  It isn't a particularly spiritual subject or anything... just life itself.

A couple of years ago I started a blog that I couldn't seem to keep up with so I in the end deleted it. I had started it out on the theme of being a "Domestic Goddess" without putting much thought into it. (Ironically it seems I have come full circle back to this theme).  Imagine my surprise when after I'd already started the blog any basic Google search on "mommy blogs" brought up hundreds of other "domestic goddesses"! To me one of the points of blogging is to put your own unique spin on events in life, so I was kind of bummed out about being just another domestic goddess. So I kind of abandoned that blog theme back then and just sporadically typed about whatever for about a year.

The one thing I found on that subject that did make me stand out however was that I did seem to be one of the few "domestic goddesses" out there who was actually a working mom. Which I find ironic because to be both managing a home with multiple small children and to be working outside the home too (and to stay remotely sane while doing so) one must practically have supernatural powers to keep it all together (therein lies the "goddess" part).

If I'm not mistaken the term "domestic goddess" originated from the 80s and 90s sitcom Roseanne, as that is how the star of the show, comidean Roseanne Barr, referred to herself.  In the earlier seasons of the show (the first 4 or 5 seasons before the show went downhill and the writers constantly played on the "white trash" jokes) Roseanne was a smart mouthed "Slytherin" type of housewife who was no one particularly extraordinary.  She was a good mother, yes, but outside of her circle of friends she was one of the few mothers who actually worked AND took care of her family's need (especially on TV... previously most TV mothers were June Cleaver types).  She worked because she simply had no choice and she worked quite a few menial jobs to work around her husband's and childrens' schedules.  In the meantime Roseanne sort of sadly remembered her days of youth when she had dreams of becoming a writer or having an actual career.  Her husband, while also a good father, did not have much education and didn't make very much money although he was a hard worker.  The family lived in a small modest "hovel" type home and always barely scraped by on the bills.  The family (called The Conner family in the show) were definitely in the "lower middle class" range but they weren't really white trash until in the later seasons when the show started being written that way.

Sound familiar?  Our family is very much like those early seasons Conners.  Like down to every last detail except my personality is not quite as aggressive as Roseanne's was.  We even have the three kids, and the matriarch of the house doesn't have that perfect Lois Griffin (of Family Guy) figure.  I mean, I don't quite have Roseanne's girth but I'm no Lois Griffin (I was before I had kids though).  But that's fine, Lois Griffin is my absolute least favorite character on Family Guy anyway.  (She's a terrible mother and little more than a man's sexbot fantasy of a housewife).

Anyhow I don't see too many blogs dealing with the issues of balancing a family and working.  Probably because these moms are too busy!  I myself can really only update like once a week or so.  I'm stuck at home with the kids during the day with no car so this is my only connection to the outside world. Back in the days when I had the office jobs with Internet access I could actually blog, but now I truly am Roseanne, working in manual labor type places at night to help support my family.  I am the statistic that daytime TV trade school commercials target.

So to me "domestic goddess-ry" isn't just limited to those who are fortunate enough to be able to give 100% to their homes and families.  It could be an identity for any mother really, but for someone like me who daily attempts to balance the challenges at both work and home I believe it is a title I have more than earned.


Roseanne quote from Season 2 (1989 - 1990):

"I need that job, and I hate like hell that I do, but I need it. And, I'm not working there because I need an allowance. I'm paying for a mortgage and putting food on the table and buying clothes for three kids. But, I don't think you'd even understand that. I don't think you understand anything. You're not grown up enough, yet, to understand that your life doesn't always turn out the way you plan it to be, and sometimes you end up doing stuff you thought you'd never do in a million years, but you still have to do it 'cause there's nothing else you can do".