The Myth of Domestic Goddess-ry Part I

This is a recycled post that I believe I originally wrote in 2010.  I just felt like archiving it in this blog as well.  It isn't a particularly spiritual subject or anything... just life itself.

A couple of years ago I started a blog that I couldn't seem to keep up with so I in the end deleted it. I had started it out on the theme of being a "Domestic Goddess" without putting much thought into it. (Ironically it seems I have come full circle back to this theme).  Imagine my surprise when after I'd already started the blog any basic Google search on "mommy blogs" brought up hundreds of other "domestic goddesses"! To me one of the points of blogging is to put your own unique spin on events in life, so I was kind of bummed out about being just another domestic goddess. So I kind of abandoned that blog theme back then and just sporadically typed about whatever for about a year.

The one thing I found on that subject that did make me stand out however was that I did seem to be one of the few "domestic goddesses" out there who was actually a working mom. Which I find ironic because to be both managing a home with multiple small children and to be working outside the home too (and to stay remotely sane while doing so) one must practically have supernatural powers to keep it all together (therein lies the "goddess" part).

If I'm not mistaken the term "domestic goddess" originated from the 80s and 90s sitcom Roseanne, as that is how the star of the show, comidean Roseanne Barr, referred to herself.  In the earlier seasons of the show (the first 4 or 5 seasons before the show went downhill and the writers constantly played on the "white trash" jokes) Roseanne was a smart mouthed "Slytherin" type of housewife who was no one particularly extraordinary.  She was a good mother, yes, but outside of her circle of friends she was one of the few mothers who actually worked AND took care of her family's need (especially on TV... previously most TV mothers were June Cleaver types).  She worked because she simply had no choice and she worked quite a few menial jobs to work around her husband's and childrens' schedules.  In the meantime Roseanne sort of sadly remembered her days of youth when she had dreams of becoming a writer or having an actual career.  Her husband, while also a good father, did not have much education and didn't make very much money although he was a hard worker.  The family lived in a small modest "hovel" type home and always barely scraped by on the bills.  The family (called The Conner family in the show) were definitely in the "lower middle class" range but they weren't really white trash until in the later seasons when the show started being written that way.

Sound familiar?  Our family is very much like those early seasons Conners.  Like down to every last detail except my personality is not quite as aggressive as Roseanne's was.  We even have the three kids, and the matriarch of the house doesn't have that perfect Lois Griffin (of Family Guy) figure.  I mean, I don't quite have Roseanne's girth but I'm no Lois Griffin (I was before I had kids though).  But that's fine, Lois Griffin is my absolute least favorite character on Family Guy anyway.  (She's a terrible mother and little more than a man's sexbot fantasy of a housewife).

Anyhow I don't see too many blogs dealing with the issues of balancing a family and working.  Probably because these moms are too busy!  I myself can really only update like once a week or so.  I'm stuck at home with the kids during the day with no car so this is my only connection to the outside world. Back in the days when I had the office jobs with Internet access I could actually blog, but now I truly am Roseanne, working in manual labor type places at night to help support my family.  I am the statistic that daytime TV trade school commercials target.

So to me "domestic goddess-ry" isn't just limited to those who are fortunate enough to be able to give 100% to their homes and families.  It could be an identity for any mother really, but for someone like me who daily attempts to balance the challenges at both work and home I believe it is a title I have more than earned.


Roseanne quote from Season 2 (1989 - 1990):

"I need that job, and I hate like hell that I do, but I need it. And, I'm not working there because I need an allowance. I'm paying for a mortgage and putting food on the table and buying clothes for three kids. But, I don't think you'd even understand that. I don't think you understand anything. You're not grown up enough, yet, to understand that your life doesn't always turn out the way you plan it to be, and sometimes you end up doing stuff you thought you'd never do in a million years, but you still have to do it 'cause there's nothing else you can do".